The Family Code of Honor Has Been Shattered

I am furious this afternoon and it has nothing to do with Army's refusal to forfeit the game this Saturday (apparently there's something called "honor" in the service academies. Please). No, the source of my anger comes from a bit of news I received earlier that one of the Gonzaga basketball players, who shall remain nameless, tried to hold hands with my little sister, the reigning Ms. Gonzaga. Now I realize in this modern age that girls and boys are becoming attracted to each other earlier and earlier, but this is ridiculous. I didn't even talk to a girl until I was a senior in college, and not because I didn't want to.

We had strict mingling rules when I was at South Bend. Of course, there were the single-sex dorms and classes, but if you wanted to talk to a girl, you had to follow a very strict procedure. First, you would go to confession for five hours. Next, you would fill out a form to send a message to the girl you were trying to communicate with. The message would then be read by the nuns and possibly censored. Finally, the note would be delivered about three weeks later. Thankfully, the school lightened up on these restrictions senior year, and we were finally allowed face-to-face contact. But I digress. Talking in person is one thing, but physical contact is quite another. I would definitely be in favor of a rule at Gonzaga that would require all male students to stay at least 10 feet away from my sister (and I guess the other female students).

Let me issue this proclamation to you, Unnamed Gonzaga Basketball Player: if you ever try to hold hands with my sister again, you'd better marry her or I will end you.