The Suspense is Killing me (EDIT: Killed Me)

So tonight they announce the winner of the Heisman Trophy and it will most likely go to Troy Smith of Ohio State. Fine. Whatever. Basically this was decided back in September, when some brilliant color guy confused Troy Smith for Michael Vick and everyone went hysterical. I'm not even going to attempt to compare stats because stats don't tell the whole story.

For example, Brady Quinn's completion percentage is four points lower than Troy Smith's. Some would say that this indicates that Quinn is a less accurate passer. I would interpret this as meaning Ohio State played crappy teams with crappy secondaries. But what do I know? Quinn has five more passing touchdowns than Smith, but some would say that's because Notre Dame played a ton of "cupcakes." People seem to forget that other than Michigan and Texas, Ohio State didn't really play anyone of note. In fact, almost the entire Big Ten was a bunch of cupcakes. Why isn't anyone whining about the Buckeyes' schedule? Oh, that's right, because they play in a conference! They have to play those awful teams and we can schedule whoever we want. Why should our schedule be any harder than any other random Big Ten team? IT SHOULDN'T!! Therefore, all schedule criticisms are null and void from this point out and Brady's six extra touchdowns (he has two rushing TDs compared to Smith's one -- who's the running QB now, bitch?) should give him the edge. Also he has more passing yards. QED.

UPDATE: That was the most atrocious thing I have ever watched. Probably the most buildup for the most obvious result ever. If I'm Brady Quinn or Darren McFadden, do I even want to be there and have them summarize my accomplishments when I know there's no chance I'm winning this stupid trophy? Do they even want to win so that in the slight chance they don't make it in the NFL and then get invited back as a past winner and actually be able to come to this sham of a ceremony? I mean, I guess they could get shit-faced with Eric Crouch the night before. What a fucking waste of time.