A Victory On and Off the Field

No doubt you have heard of our spectacular victory against our hated rival Duke on Saturday. But what you may not have heard about is our scholastic victory against Duke. You see, when two schools of such high academic caliber get together on the field, we must also battle each other in a Quiz Bowl type competition while the game is being played. Tradition also dictates that the people who participate in the Quiz Bowl be players on the team, since we all know that Notre Dame players are of equal if not better intelligence then the general ND student population. Now, unfortunately for us, our smartest players are not on the practice squad. No, all of our defensive starters earn this accolade.

This has wrecked havoc upon our game planning throughout the entire season. We are very idealistic at Notre Dame; we think that because our players are so smart, that every team we play must be as smart as us. Therefore, we always send our Quiz Bowl representatives to the designated site each game day. Unfortunately for us, no one from the other team has bothered to show up, and our defense is forced to rush back to the game, usually arriving after we've already given up a substantial lead. But not this weekend. When our players arrived at the Quiz Bowl, they were shocked to find the Duke representatives raring to go. Of course, the Blue Devils sent their third stringers, but we were just glad to have someone to flex our academic muscles against. In the end, the Notre Dame defense held the Duke scrubs scoreless, clinching the game when Tom Zbikowski correctly guessed that the capital of Bhutan was Thimphu.

We are eagerly anticipating a second Quiz Bowl match up this week when we take on Stanford. I hope those crazy hippies have been studying.

There is Hope

Hello faithful readers,

I haven't posted much lately because God's team has played a little bit below my expectations. I'm so tired of scheduling those cheating service academies. They recruit the best players from anywhere in the country because they can offer a career in the military. How is ND supposed to compete with that? Everyone wants to be in the military! Add to that the fact that they run the impossible-to-stop option attack and I don't know why we don't just pencil in Navy vs Air Force for the National Championship game every year.

On a good note though, JC threw 3 touchdown passes on Saturday. This should vault him into the Heisman discussion. At the very least he'll be one of the five invitees to the ceremony. If this doesn't happen, it's because of the media bias against Notre Dame. Damn media is so predictable.

Also, as of right now, ND has the #1 recruiting class in the country. You know what that means: ND National Championship run next year! Let me list the factors that will come together next year for ND's return to glory:

1) JC returning after a Heisman-worthy season
2) Ty's shitty recruits being replaced by the Genius' #1 class
3) The Genius introducing a new offense that is unstoppable, producing 10 TDs/game
4) God stopping the "Job" treatment of ND this year and returning them to glory

Everyone can take their shots right now. We're Catholic, we make ourselves feel guilty about everything, so a little adversity during a football season isn't going to stop me. I've been worrying about the fact that I accidentally looked at a picture of a girl in a bikini all week and had "impure" thoughts.

Anyway, expect a stellar season next year. Go Irish!!

P.S. - Those second-rate Catholics at BC finally got what they deserved. Maryland?!?