I Got Game

I know I haven’t posted in a while. I’m not sure if all of you know, but I recently turned 30. I’ve gone into a shell since this development, as I’ve been depressed at my continually diminishing chance of walking onto the Notre Dame Football team, a la Rudy. Obviously, the older a person gets, the lower his or her athletic “upside” becomes.

As I tried out four years in a row and never managed to make the team during my undergraduate years at Notre Dame (as a matter of fact I am saddled to this day with a number of debilitating injuries), I am planning on attending Notre Dame to get my LLM degree and taking one more shot at my dream. I know the Genius will do right by me. Thus, I am now reinvigorated, training Rocky-style, and feeling ready to resume my blogging duties.

I’d like to discuss Notre Dame’s incredible basketball team. As many of you know, ND only recruits players of Irish descent to play b-ball. Thus, the team is normally made up of short, red-haired white guys. As you can imagine, this results in an understandable lack of competitiveness outside of the years that a guy like Troy Murphy shows up.

Well, this year there is no Troy Murphy, there are only short white guys. Yet the team is still amazingly competitive. The key, it seems, to this resurgence is ND’s newly relaxed policy on marijuana.

You see, Kyle McAlarney (short Irish guy) is an amazing basketball player, and particularly, a great long-range shooter. Last year, McAlarney was suspended from the team for smoking weed. Well, it turns out “Big Mac,” as I like to call him, can only shoot effectively when he is high (Kind of like that movie where Method Man goes to Harvard and is really smart when he smokes weed).

The distinguished staff at ND decided that in order to make a real difference this year, they should get Big Mac a medical marijuana prescription. As a result, Big Mac is averaging more than 15 points a game and ND has been ranked in the top 20 for almost the entire season.

I’m not sure if Irishmen of all kinds are better at things when they’re high, but I can tell you one thing - I’m gonna test myself ASAP. Wonder if this would work for JC? Maybe that’s why he didn’t get his Heisman last year. That and the biased voters.