Notre Dame Basketball = Better Than You

I don't know if you know this, but Notre Dame is a basketball school. In fact, we invented basketball back in the 1870s as a way to pass the time between football season, 5 am mass, and 7 am mass. With the success of our football team in recent years, our basketball program has been pushed into the background, but no more! As you are probably aware, I am the greatest Notre Dame basketball fan in the history of the school. I have started so many traditions I can't even remember, but I think one of them involved borrowing my roommate's credit card and selling his books back to buy weed. Apparently there are some copycat tradition makers on the team, which has resulted in a bit of trouble.

However, with our past ills behind us, Notre Dame basketball is on the cusp of greatness. In our most recent game, we dismantled the racist Orange of Syracuse with stunning precision. Our strategy lately has been to dominate the perimeter and hope that our shots go in, and if they don't then hope that the ball bounces back towards the shooter. This works really well when we make all of our three pointers, which I expect to happen in about 80% of our games.

Some of my friends like to scoff at our basketball prowess (one in particular who thinks his Ivy League "team" would be able to last 3 minutes against us), but I just ignore it for the most part. I know that we are amazing and you also know we are amazing because I am telling you this right now. We are only a couple of weeks away from the first of 21 straight titles, and boy am I excited!