Draft Gurus My A**

So I've been reading a lot of stories about Brady Quinn's draft status falling. Check out this ridiculous piece of BS. First the Heisman robbery and now this? The biased media is truly out of control. The media eats up Notre-Dame bashing like the Genius does pork rinds covered in chocolate sauce.

Apparently most teams have JaMarcus Russell rated ahead of Brady "I was robbed of four Heismans" Quinn. This is outrageous. The only time the two met head to head, Russell cheated his way to a victory by a very slim margin. Here's the pattern of events: Troy Smith cheats and beats ND in a bowl game. Result? He steals the Heisman from Quinn. Next, Russell cheats his ass off and beats ND in a bowl game. Likely result? Russell is drafted higher than Quinn.

The only comfort that any of these events give me is knowing that they will all go to hell for the blasphemy that is beating Notre Dame. Just to show you what a real draft guru is, I'll give you my top 5 prospects:

1. Brady Quinn: I don't think I need to say any more about this, but no QB since Rick Mirer even compares to Quinn.


2. Jeff Samardzija: So he signed a baseball contract? So what? If you offer him a 5 year $100 million contract I bet he'd leave baseball. With his arm he could throw the passes up and run under them and catch them for TD's just like Nelson from the Simpsons. Teams need to htink outside the box more often.

3. Darius Walker: Gale Sayers? Not even in Walker's league. Walker is the next in the long list of great NFL back coming from Notre Dame. He's going to continue the trend of -- ok, can't think of any off the top of my head, I'll get back to you.

4. Rhema McKnight: Whoever drafts Samardzija needs to sell their soul to get McKnight to recreate the greatest receiving corps in the history of college football.

5. Marcus Freeman: You're going to need a tight end to go with those other skill players, why not take one from the greatest football program in the history of the world?

Final word on Signing Day

Apparently we lost some key recruits at the last minute, so our recruiting "ranking" tumbled. I don't see why they feel the need to update these things so frequently. We should hold off all judgment until three years from now when Notre Dame would currently be in the middle of a 60-game winning streak.

This morning I noticed a poll on ESPN.com which asked: Which school won signing day?
Eagerly looking to click Notre Dame, I was shocked to find my choices were Florida, South Carolina (?!?!?!?), Texas, and USC. I then tried to highlight the entire column, in case Notre Dame was a secret fifth invisible choice, but that did not work.

After voting for USC (it will be even more hilarious if they win the poll only later to get punished), I looked at the geographic breakdown and saw that Indiana had overwhelmingly also voted for USC. I then noticed that only 260 people in the state had voted and I knew everything would be alright. You see, all the Notre Dame students are still in 5-hour Saturday morning mass, and once the computer science guys get back to their computers, they will hack the site to transfer all of the USC votes to the new Notre Dame option. There's nothing the Irish can't do!

The Real Draft - Chummy's Top 15

I'm sure many of you know that tomorrow is official signing day for high school recruits. I've spent many a night sitting in my underwear, watching videos on the internet of high school boys playing football, and I'm pumped about Notre Dame's incoming recruiting class. Because I've done more exhaustive research (what I mentioned before with the underwear and videos) than any Rivals site will ever do, I'm going to reveal my top 15 recruiting classes. When these teams are tearing up the NCAA, you can say, "I remember when Chummy dropped a load of knowledge on me and told me those players were going to kick A!"

1. Notre Dame -- If you didn't know this was coming, you don't this blog, or college football for that matter. All I have to say is Jimmy Clausen. I'll say it again, Jimmy Clausen. If Notre Dame doesn't win the title next year it will be because of a Tonya Harding-like injury to Clausen at the hands of the biased, jealous media. Didn't recruit defense you say? I can't believe people don't trust in the Genius by now -- we'll move more running backs to linebacker! I don't know why more teams don't recruit offensive players to play on defense, it obviously works.

2. Michigan -- Fortunately for them they got Ryan Mallet. Unfortunately for Mallet, he faces a long career of getting the beatdown at the hands of Jimmy Clausen and his four Heismans.

3. Penn State -- Picked up some big time O-Lineman and a pretty good receiver named Sukay. Won't be enough to outscore the Genius though. We're going to have former running backs pancaking those big O-lineman.

4. USC -- Picked up some running back and another QB. Whatever. They're all going to have their wins taken away for cheating just like Reggie Bush. Catholics don't cheat.

5. Boston College -- I don't really know who they've recruited, but they're Catholic and I have to give them credit for that.

6. Air Force -- Have you seen how good the basketball team is? Football recruiting is following suit.

7. UCLA -- Bruins got seven 4-Star players. That's pretty big time, but Clausen counts for infinity stars.

8. Georgia Tech -- Caleb King is the number 8 running back in the country. Too bad he's not number one, like the Fighting Irish.

9. Michigan State -- They've got four 4-Stars coming in. That's fine. I just wish John L. was still there.

10. Navy -- Anapolis is a recruiting mecca. Second only to the wonderment of South Bend.

11. Stanford -- They're bringing in the recruits that USC coughs up, and just like USC, they'll be schooled by ND.

12. Purdue -- To be honest with you I don't have a clue who they're recruiting, but it's probably good.

13. Duke -- Oh yeah, up and coming program after not getting blown out by Miami without 10 of their players.

14. Florida -- They get some decent recruits after that joke of a national title. Everyone knows ND should be holding that trophy.

15. LSU -- They had a good recruiting class after cheating and getting their bowl game against the Irish played in Louisiana. Ridiculous.

Well, there it is folks, the prophet has spoken. Incidentally, Notre Dame has also come out with their 2007-2008 schedule and you should check that out here.

Down But Not Out

I realize the readership of my most amazing blog has somewhat petered out over the last month, and for this, I apologize. It's not easy to switch gears from Notre Dame football to Notre Dame/ Gonzaga basketball and Notre Dame hockey. While I doubt many of you will read this, I am hopeful that you will still spread the word that this blog may be down, but it is not out (see the title of this post). Once the Super Bowl is over, you can expect semi-daily posts on anything and everything that is awesome. That's quite a lot of content, so be sure to come back here regularly.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, you are probably expecting some sort of analysis, but since college football is my drink of choice, I can only look at things through green-tinted glasses. The Colts have three Notre Dame alumni on their squad (although one is the third tight end and he's injured), whereas the Bears have a whopping ZERO Fighting Irish. I think this tilts the scales in favor of the Colts, especially since the Colts punter, Hunter Smith, is one of these former Notre Dame players. Because he went to Notre Dame, Smith knows how to punt the ball using all sorts of different spins, which Devin Hester won't know how to deal with. Don't be surprised if on one punt, Hester tries to catch the ball off a bounce only to have it ricochet up into his crotch pointy-side forward. He won't be able to do much with that.