Controversy, Shmontroversy

There's been some coverage of the so called "quarterback controversy" at Notre Dame lately, so I thought I'd weigh in with my well-educated opinion. First of all, everyone needs to keep in mind that God has been reincarnated as a QB and his name is Clausen. He will win 4 Heisman Trophies. That's not a prediction, that's a fact. You can see from the picture I took off the background of my computer that he has an incredible physique.

Some sports writers (I'm looking at you Ivan "I'm biased against Notre Dame" Maisel) have said that the Genius needs to just reveal who the starting quarterback will be because the situation is creating needless drama. He may be right he may be wrong. What he fails to realize is that you can't question the judgment of the biggest, both literally and metaphorically, Genius coach to come along in years.

Just look at the Genius' history with QB's: Tom Brady, Brady Quinn. There is no doubt in my mind that whichever QB starts will lead ND to its typical stellar season. That being, beating down inferior opponenets, getting overrated, and then blown out in a bowl game they shouldn't have made (I'm being sarcastic, as you all know ND doesn't ever lose unless the other team cheats). I'll leave you with a picture of the newest NFL all-pro, and the man I would most like to see naked. Dumpster out.

Summer in Revew: No Football = Terrible

Welcome new readers! This promises to be an exciting fall as both Notre Dame and Brady Quinn (and that team he plays for) continue their march of success. But before I get to the glory of the upcoming months, I would like to reminisce about the summer.

In a word, horrendous. Post NFL-draft euphoria only lasts about 36 days, so I have been quite miserable since the end of May, the only things keeping me alive and sane being Arena Football and ESPN's Who's Now? Just kidding, Arena Football is a travesty and ESPN is going to collapse under its own crapulence in the next few weeks.

First of all, football is played outside, not inside. I mean really, you are only going to fool so many people for so long before they notice this major difference. Also, people like low-scoring defensive battles (similar to what Notre Dame plays every week before we start trying and score on five straight possessions), which I'm told are curiously absent in Arena Football. Finally, until Journey buys its own team, I can't stand to watch a league where Bon Jovi is the biggest celebrity owner.

On to the abortion of ESPN's Who's Now. I had heard rumblings about this on the internets earlier in the summer, but only managed to stumble across this monstrosity during the finals. The ever articulate Stuart Scott presided over an esteemed panel that included Erin Andrews, one of ESPN's awful basketball announcers, and some other guy I can't remember. The topic of debate was who was more "Now": Tiger Woods or Lebron James. Apparently, there was some sort of bracket with some other people with various levels of "Nowness", but Woods and James were heads and shoulders above these other less now athletes.

The debate that followed was not something I could honestly call intelligent human discussion. There was some babbling about Lebron getting to the NBA Finals and Tiger being very good at golf, but it mostly sounded like a bunch of idiots trying to accomplish the age-old fallacy of comparing apples to oranges. What the hell does it even mean to be "now" and why do I care? This all seemed like a way for ESPN to get rid of Stuart Scott on the regular SportsCenter broadcasts for a couple of months. After the panel had definitely decided that Tiger Woods was more "now", Stuart Scott informed me, that I, the loyal ESPN viewer, had the final say. Words cannot express what I felt at that moment. Just before I was about to kneel down and pray in the direction of my television, I heard the dulcet tones of TI, who had altered the words of one of his popular songs to be the Who's Now? theme song. After I regained consciousness, I went online to vote for Brady Quinn, but sadly found that he did not make the finals of this prestigious bracket.

Sigh. Only two more weeks til football.

Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated Part II

Yes, I am still alive. It has been a slow couple of months, the only newsworthy item being Charlie Weis losing his medical malpractice lawsuit. Thankfully, it is August, and that means we are only several weeks away from the return of the greatest athletic team of the past 263 years. Now I realize that my readership has dwindled considerably since the heyday of last November, but be prepared, dear reader, for an onslaught of Charlie Weis's weight proportions.

Here are some upcoming posts you should be looking forward to:
1. Summer in Review: No Football = Terrible
2. Can the Pirates Win the Pennant? (Short answer: Yes)
3. Notre Dame Season Preview!!!
Part 1 - 2006 Season Wrap up
Part 2 - Brady Quinn Daily 3rd String QB Report
Part 3 - 2007 Notre Dame Schedule Analysis
Part 4 - Position-by-position Breakdown of the 2007 Squad (quite possibly the best team EVER)

It's going ot be an exciting couple of months and I hope all of my 4 current readers will spread the word that THE DUMPSTER IS BACK!